Did you know that the book “There's A Hole In My Love Cup: The Badass Counseling® Method For Healing The Soul And Unleashing Greatness” truly captures the Badass Counseling methodology, and is unrivaled in its effectiveness? To better understand what makes “Love Cup” so effective, we caught up with author Sven Erlandson to ask him questions about why he wrote the book, how it has helped people, and what’s next.

Emotional incest is a topic that troubles many adults. It comes up a lot during the Badass Counseling podcast as well as counseling sessions. In fact, Emotional Incest: Parent-as-Friend and the Very Real Problem of Parental Over-sharing is one of the top-read articles on BadassCounseling.com.

Badass isn’t a conventional way to name a counseling business. That said, it perfectly captures the kind of counseling that Badass Counseling provides. Read on to learn more.

I ask you this question, do you think this notion of children having their own ideas of what would make them happy, and parents having their own ideas of what their grown child should do (to make the parent happy, perchance), is a new phenomenon?

He told the story of standing next to his father, who was talking to their new country pastor, saying, “Pastor, if I'm teaming up my horses in 50-below weather, I expect more than a 30-minute sermon,” proud of the fact that it was he and his brother who had helped their dad feed and yoke the horses that morning, in the dark.

I'm a good Midwestern/North kid. But, I was nobody in the world of religious studies, American sociology of religion, spirituality, and the like, no one even knew the book, or I, existed. I was first, yes, but a nobody, nonetheless. No sales. No money. No notoriety. Nuthin'.

"People reveal their character in patterns. They reveal their secrets in anomalies. And both are driven by fear. Name the fear and you've named the person." -- Sven Erlandson

Of course, I now tuck that phrase quite perfectly into the Swedish-Minnesotan piety in which I long stewed that believes there are no greater crimes against humanity than A) Immodesty, and B) Imposing on anyone for anything, ever, for any reason whatsoever.

The long term effect of constantly trying to direct your child is that the teen/young adult is then forever looking for external sources of guidance -- parent, spouse, boss, friend -- rather than trusting his or her own inner voice. The effect is that other people wield an enormous amount of influence over the young person, even as they progress further into adulthood. That sense of dependency not only grows, but an inner weakness grows with it.

What if the NFL's single greatest champion -- the one whom the Superbowl trophy is named after! -- was wrong? What if the greatest truth of life and success went counter to everything every young athlete were ever taught? What if?

"Change will not occur, until the pain gets bad enough." For it is only pain that has the power to force a change in your core belief system. The old belief system -- about life, about yourself, about people, about God/deity, about family, about what is important, about the world, etc -- has to become so confining, so painful, so suffocating, so debilitating as to drive the person away from it, as to give the person the courage to both cut it away and pursue something new and terrifyingly unknown.

Far too common nowadays is the parental practice of befriending the child. It is a total “friends with benefits” situation, not sexually, but soul-wise/emotionally. So many parents nowadays LONG FOR a parental-child friendship, because they long for someone who gives a sh*t about them, the parent.  The effect of mom's ACTIONS, regardless of what other words of support are coming out of mom's mouth, is that the child grows up believing he/she doesn't matter, because something else or someone else matters more. And there is no message more guaranteed to bring long term damage than that one. By engaging in parental-oversharing, which is the natural by-product of parent-child friendships, the parent is effectively raping the child's soul, and the world is clapping.

The only way to get to the place of letting go of what society is pressuring you to want is to go through the pain of realizing that what everyone and everything external to you wants for you no longer feels good, and that you no longer have interest in pursuing it. But, setting that aside, not that you really can (or assuming you are on your real path that is most authentic to who you really are), the real way to get to the place of power that is living in the pursuing/not-pursuing tension is to ultimately be okay with never having that which you are convinced you most want.

The single biggest mistake most people make in trying to get happy is that they do more things that make them happy. In fact, that is only half the battle. It's the easy part! What needs to happen before that is far more difficult.

It does you no good to be all macho and hardcore, pretending like you’re tough and nothing bothers you, because it’s a lie. And the more controlling and jealous you are, the more you reveal just how terrified you are. For jealousy equals fear; always, always, always.

The very thing the man was most trying to avoid - his girlfriend cheating - by having his girlfriend spend less time around other men and her friends is the very thing that he basically creates by cutting her off from her sources of joy. By reducing her positive sources of happiness he drives his girlfriend to find maladaptive, non-constructive sources of happiness. 

This snippet from Joseph Campbell comes from "A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living"

...of course, the wonder of it all and the endless tedium of those who drone on and on about ‘untreated depression’, “I’ll be there for you if you’re considering suicide”, and all the other overwrought blather.

Suicide.

I mean, we’ve all thought about it, at one time or another...

It is one of life’s ugliest, yet most beautiful paradoxes: creation and destruction are forever inextricably dancing; pain and joy live in the same breath; blessings and curses can never be extricated from their mad embrace. We, it seems, need only have the eyes to see, and the courage to look into the eye of the beast that afflicts us at any given moment or period of life.

Ask yourself one basic question. It’s not the cure-all question, but it gets us in the ballpark. What do you do when you’re at Starbucks, after you’ve ordered, and waiting for your drink? Or, for church-going folk, perhaps while you’re standing in line to exit the sanctuary at the end of service? Or, when you’re standing on the platform waiting for the subway? Or any line anywhere, or anytime people are around? Why?