I'm a good Midwestern/North kid. But, I was nobody in the world of religious studies, American sociology of religion, spirituality, and the like, no one even knew the book, or I, existed. I was first, yes, but a nobody, nonetheless. No sales. No money. No notoriety. Nuthin'.

"People reveal their character in patterns. They reveal their secrets in anomalies. And both are driven by fear. Name the fear and you've named the person." -- Sven Erlandson

Of course, I now tuck that phrase quite perfectly into the Swedish-Minnesotan piety in which I long stewed that believes there are no greater crimes against humanity than A) Immodesty, and B) Imposing on anyone for anything, ever, for any reason whatsoever.

The long term effect of constantly trying to direct your child is that the teen/young adult is then forever looking for external sources of guidance -- parent, spouse, boss, friend -- rather than trusting his or her own inner voice. The effect is that other people wield an enormous amount of influence over the young person, even as they progress further into adulthood. That sense of dependency not only grows, but an inner weakness grows with it.

Far too common nowadays is the parental practice of befriending the child. It is a total “friends with benefits” situation, not sexually, but soul-wise/emotionally. So many parents nowadays LONG FOR a parental-child friendship, because they long for someone who gives a sh*t about them, the parent.  The effect of mom's ACTIONS, regardless of what other words of support are coming out of mom's mouth, is that the child grows up believing he/she doesn't matter, because something else or someone else matters more. And there is no message more guaranteed to bring long term damage than that one. By engaging in parental-oversharing, which is the natural by-product of parent-child friendships, the parent is effectively raping the child's soul, and the world is clapping.

The only way to get to the place of letting go of what society is pressuring you to want is to go through the pain of realizing that what everyone and everything external to you wants for you no longer feels good, and that you no longer have interest in pursuing it. But, setting that aside, not that you really can (or assuming you are on your real path that is most authentic to who you really are), the real way to get to the place of power that is living in the pursuing/not-pursuing tension is to ultimately be okay with never having that which you are convinced you most want.

This snippet from Joseph Campbell comes from "A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living"

...of course, the wonder of it all and the endless tedium of those who drone on and on about ‘untreated depression’, “I’ll be there for you if you’re considering suicide”, and all the other overwrought blather.

Suicide.

I mean, we’ve all thought about it, at one time or another...

It is one of life’s ugliest, yet most beautiful paradoxes: creation and destruction are forever inextricably dancing; pain and joy live in the same breath; blessings and curses can never be extricated from their mad embrace. We, it seems, need only have the eyes to see, and the courage to look into the eye of the beast that afflicts us at any given moment or period of life.

Ask yourself one basic question. It’s not the cure-all question, but it gets us in the ballpark. What do you do when you’re at Starbucks, after you’ve ordered, and waiting for your drink? Or, for church-going folk, perhaps while you’re standing in line to exit the sanctuary at the end of service? Or, when you’re standing on the platform waiting for the subway? Or any line anywhere, or anytime people are around? Why?

These aren't just stories; this was a man's life, a man who was sitting across a table from me drinking his Starbucks, a man who at one point wiped his lips after taking a sip and part of his napkin stuck to his lip when he pulled his hand away, as it might on any of us. A man like any one of us, yet a man who had been to hell and lived it for six years....and a lifetime since.